Time-Outs

Of course, you should do what's right because it is the right thing to do, whether you could get away with doing the wrong thing or not. It's easier for us as parents to do that than it is to make our kids do that. My girls, who are 6 and 4 often do what they are supposed to because they will get a time-out if they don't. Time-outs will used with our one-year-old when she turns two. Nevertheless, it's important for parents to instill what's right in our children, using punishment when necessary, because the rewards that come from doing good usually gets them doing the right thing for the right reasons as they get older.

It seems like God treated earlier generations like children, relying on punishments much worse than time-outs because that's what they could understand. As civilization got supposedly more sophisticated, he gave us Jesus to encourage us to do what's right out of love for him. Today's reading from the old testament reflects that truth.

http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0839/__P9L.HTM

Blame

"Fathers shall not be put to death for their children, nor shall children be put to death for their fathers; each one shall die for his own sin."
-2 Kings 14:6

You only have yourself to blame may be one of the tough-love lessons to take away from this verse. Too many children (and adults) blame their parents for everything. Parents are certainly influential. So if a parent is one who leaves the mother with the kid, there will be an effect on the kid. If the mother gets involved with another man, who fathers another child, and then also leaves, there will be an effect on the children. If that mother leaves the kids with the grandmother, only to come back into their lives periodically, raising their hopes, staying long enough to undermine the grandmother's authority, and leaves again, the children will have a lot to deal with. All of this may explain why the child is the way he is, but the real world isn't going to excuse him for being a jerk because of it. He needs help to overcome the obstacles that have been put in his way and avoid the path of his parents. There's no glory in being a failure and being able to blame your parents for it. It would be much better to become a success and be able to take credit for it (or give the credit to God).

Tonight marks the end of my summer. I return to school tomorrow to get ready for my junior high students on Wednesday. We were able to get kid number one through successfully last year. His brother starts the junior high this year. Hopefully, my prayers and others' will continue pay off for him and his family.

Parents Influence: Good or Bad

"He did evil in the LORD'S sight, though not as much as his father and mother."
-2 Kings 3:2

It was not so much this quote as others that made me think of all the times the Bible refers to children being punished for the sins of their fathers. It's not so much God punishing the children as allowing punishment to take place. From all the children I have worked with over the years, I appreciate how hard it is to overcome a rough upbringing...the most extreme example being a boy watching his mom shoot his dad and run away when he was three and his sister was one, leaving them to be raised by their grandparents. The boy is a handful, but knowing the background makes you feel more sympathy than anger towards him when he acts up. It helps me think twice before I pass judgement on any other kid since I may not know his or her background as well.

The good news is that the effects of good parents last for many more generations than the effects of the bad ones according to Scripture. Occasionally, a prodigal child seems to go astray for a period of time, and it may seem like a long time when you are going through those times. However, the positive influence that has been shown into that child's life will usually bear good fruit in the end.

So no matter what kind of parents you had (and I had great ones), God will give you the grace needed to be that good "parent" that leads to good children growing up to be good "parents." Parent(s) was put in quotation marks because we are all called to take care of God's children and some people without children of their own are great "parents" to the children in their lives. God bless you all.

Thousandth Generation

Understand, then, that the LORD, your God, is God indeed, the faithful God who keeps his merciful covenant down to the thousandth generation toward those who love him and keep his commandments.
-Deuteronomy 7:9

Our love for him will benefit ourselves, our kids, and our grandkids down to the thousandth generation. Whenever I take my two older kids to daily Mass on Saturday mornings, I have gotten comments about how my faith is going to make (or break) theirs. It's not like this promise of God's is necessarily a free pass for the next 999 generations, but the foundation that has been started for you by your parents, grandparents, etcetera, has helped mold your faith and your faith will help mold your children's (for better or worse).

The Blame Game

"Through his suffering, my servant shall justify many, and their guilt he shall bear. Therefore I will give him his portion among the great, and he shall divide the spoils with the mighty, Because he surrendered himself to death and was counted among the wicked; And he shall take away the sins of many, and win pardon for their offenses."
-Isaiah 53:11b-12

How offended we get when we are blamed for something we don't do, and how frustrating it is when there's nothing we can do about it. As a parent, it probably happens a lot with our kids (when there's more than one) because it's hard to get the same story out of any two of them.

Jesus chose to take the blame for us, even though he could have gotten out of it. We deserve to go to hell, but he went through hell for us, so now we are able to go to heaven if we choose to follow him. Unfortunately, not everybody will.

Anger

"Let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for a man's anger does not fulfill God's justice. If a man who does not control his tongue imagines that he is devout, he is self-decieved; his worship is pointless."
-James 1:19b-20, 26

This reminder that I come across every Monday helps me get through those stereotypical Mondays. Today was my first Monday of work and my daugher's first day of kindergarten. She had a great time because the homework was all for me and my wife and took us until after 10 PM to get through everything that was "due" tomorrow. As a teacher, I know most parents don't meet those school imposed deadlines, but we didn't want to become one of those parents on day 1.

Fathers

As a father has compassion on his sons, the Lord has pity on those who fear him;
for he knows of what we are made, he remembers that we are dust. -Psalm 103

Since a father was used as the example in this passage, I had to select it for today's quote. It reminds fathers of the responsibility we have to our children because their image of God the father is based on their image of us. Therefore, even though I think it comes naturally to most fathers, most of the time, remember that our kids are kids and not small adults. They don't reason the same way we do, so although we still correct them as needed, it makes it easier to forgive them in our hearts and to hand out the punishment with compassion, especially if we remember the things we did as children and how we turned out (probably thanks to correction from our parents).

Original Sin and Mary

Based on discussions from the July 26th and 28th postings, another question has arisen that can be found below. The questions concerning Purgatory will be addressed tomorrow.

Q. What about the prospect that since Jesus was man but also God, he had to come from both a sinner (Mary) and God (the Holy Spirit)? God can still fill Mary with grace but does that then mean she's no longer a sinner? Jesus still had the same thoughts, feelings, and desires as humans since he came from one. Thoughts?

A. You bring up a good point again. Jesus was both fully human and fully God, which would mean 100% human and 100% God, which is mathematically impossible, which is why it's a mystery to our human mind and its limitations. And now my stereotypical Catholic side of being unable to accurately quote the Bible presents itself, but somewhere in the Bible I recall it saying something like Jesus was human in all things, but sin. Perhaps Jesus was human in the same way Adam and Eve were human, free from orginal sin. In His case, he would have been free from original sin because He, as the Word, existed before the original sin was committed and wasn't "made" when he was conceived as a human in Mary's womb, but simply "begotten" as God's only begotten son. He would have had the some thoughts, feelings, and desires as humans - be tempted to sin - but would not have fallen into sin since somewhere else in the Bible it refers to Jesus as He who knew no sin was made sin for us to redeem us from our sins.

As for Mary, since she was declared full of grace before she accepted Jesus into her womb, that's the argument for her having been conceived without original sin as a free gift from God to her to have someone worthy to carry His son, almost more of a gift to His son (who never knew sin even in a past tense sense through his mother) than to her really since she hadn't done anything to merit that gift. Since I believe God is the greatest good, I am always comfortable interpreting scripture as in giving God the benefit of my doubt and having Him perform the greatest good like conceiving Mary without sin, even though cleansing her from sin before Jesus was begotten in her womb may have still been good enough. Others can become full of grace after having sinned by emptying themselves to make room for God's grace.

Good things

"He has filled the hungry with good things," quoting Mary from Luke (1:52-53) naturally makes one thing of food since Mary used the word "hungry" first. But when I look at the words "good things" in isolation, spiritual gifts come to mind. With that understanding, if I paraphrased her statement as, "He gives good things to the hungry," it suggests that our hearts should be hungry for spiritual gifts and not just that God will provide the faithful with good food if our stomachs are growling. Then obvious connections to the gospel's life-giving water or the teaching of seek and you will find are rekindled are in our hearts and provide light to our lives and those around us. As a father, I naturally provide my children with the food they need like carrots and sometimes even the food they want like M & M's (and I don't get any endorsment money for that), but providing a living example of our faith is a much better gift - whether they realize they are hungry for it or not.

Patience

From 2 Peter 3:13-15a, "Consider that our Lord's patience is directed toward salvation." I never thought of directing my patience. I know patience is a virtue and I am a relatively patient individual, however, patience may not be the end I should focus on. My kids try my patience often, and I don't feel that I lose my patience with them (because they are so much better than some of the kids I work with at school), but perhaps my patience should be more focused on helping my kids in those moments rather than just not blowing up at them. Just because something may not be sinful doesn't necessarily make it virtuous by default.

Parenting Decisions

I thought I knew what kind of parent I wanted to be, in terms of what I would do, but that was based on what I did as a kid or what I saw other kids doing, so the problem is that my kids present me with situations that I have never seen before, which means I sometimes have to decide what to do on the spot. If possible, I delay the decision until I have time to think it over. Then even after having time to relect on what to do or reflecting on what I did, the answer isn't always clear. There are certainly worse ways to have handled it, but that doesn't mean that I handled it the best way possible. How do you know when you have the best possible answer in such unique situations like that? As smart as I think I am sometimes, it's amazing how often I rely on thinking and not enough on prayer, which I know has to go hand in hand with thinking and is often more useful than thinking alone because prayer allows you to pick God's brain and let Him do the thinking. If it's an important decision, a decision that I have my attention focused upon entirely, my subconscious will usually provide with what I am confident God wants me to do, but that answer doesn't always come quickly, or quickly enough before I am distracted, despite my original intentions. Psalm 51 includes the line: "Indeed you love truth in the heart; then in the secret of my heart teach me wisdom." It's hard to let what my heart is telling me overrule what my head is saying because I always want to have the reason why this is the right decision and know how it's going to turn out, but I am getting better at giving up control and following my heart, what God wants me to do, instead of doing what my head may be telling me.